Breaking a Barrier

If anything I thought was possible, it would be to take an examination without studying for it. If I thought anything was impossible, it would be to go beyond Isaac in a subject with plenty of mathematics in it.

And there I was--

Chemistry Exam Top Notchers;

1. Armmina Maclang - 92

2. Aira Maranan - 77

3. Isaac Cancino; Jenine Santos - 74

4. whats-her-face (I seriously forgot, I'm sorry.) - 70


--raining on his parade, like it were the happiest day of my life. Well practically, not really, since Alex wasn't one of the top notchers. That's basically what I wasn't expecting. (So all of you are required to bring her chocolates, just to cheer her up, yeah?)

And the worst part of this is that the fourth highest is 70. (Although, looking at it, my score isn't high at all. Twenty-eight mistakes is a huge number for me to lose. But that's what I get for skipping a lot of items.) Which only means doom for my other classmates.

I don't really know what's worse, not meeting your personal standard but falling with your classmates, or just standing there watching them fall off.

Am I not a part of this class?

Upon retrospect, I don't really think they'll fail.They all studied hard (well most of them) and gave plenty of effort to that exam. In one way or another, God's not going to let them fall through. They'll catch on.

In which case, I have ultimate bragging rights for now. Isaac, this is what you get for making the rest of us feel bad, most especially when it comes to mathematics.
(Not really sure if I'm avenging my classmates' dignity, Alex's pride, or my personal standing in this. But ah...fudge.)

Most possibly because I know that I'm like him in so many ways. Well, I used to be. I used to be full of myself, about my grades, and blah blah blah. And I didn't study hard enough for my entrance exams in Philippine Science. And that really hurt me. So I guess I'm just throwing all my anger at him now.

Sorry, Zhack. I know you don't deserve--err, to be tortured?--my anger or anything.
...
But it's just so flippin' fun to annoy you, man! XDDD Lol, i was kidding. Well, whoop-dee-flippin'-doo!

Okay, seriously, I'm just afraid of having anyone else experience the same torture I went through, being shocked not to meet my expectations. Climbing on the high pedestal of pride, and falling off from that height is a painful thing. And maybe I'm just being paranoid about you. Even though it's your life, dude, I know, okay, fine. And you have full right to climb as high as you can, and fall as much as you want. I'm paranoid.
Not only for you, Zhack...

In full truth of this, I get a shock in the spine whenever Alex gets discouraged over not passing a test--or not finishing the latest Chemistry exam. She was asking herself, "what's wrong with me?!" And I was trying to cheer her up. It was too bad I didn't have chocolate at the time.

And then there was Jhec, who complained endlessly about how hard the exams were...

And yes, Mara included--whenever she cried about failing something, I get a bad feeling in my gut, like rotten butterflies of evil, all made of stone, but still flying in my stomach.

Aira too, when she said that she was disappointed in wasting such high grades...

And Trix, for plenty of reasons...

Even Jenine, sometimes. Though we all seem unaffected, "kahihiyan kami sa lolo namin" would be the usual joke.

And then there was Sam Saspa, once upon a time when I saw her really disappointed and afraid about her grades...

Then there's Annika (spellcheck please) from second year, who just ate a whole bag of potato chips out of depression from her recent Statistics exam...

And then Aira Aquino, who always thinks of one thing and easily hopes, but also easily falls...

I suppose it is the shadow of pride that has caught us, and has brought us here. And it will be the shadow of pride that will make us fall. 'Tis the shadow of Pride that just won't disappear.